“Can I get a hug?”

Hey Reader,

I was at church recently when I heard this sweet 10 year old boy’s voice behind me say to his dad “Can I get a hug?”.

I so badly wanted to turn around and say “way to go, buddy,” but that would have ruined the moment.

Asking for hugs can be hard.

It means we have to admit vulnerability.

Whether it’s because you’ve messed up or just need the safety of someone else’s presence (and regulated nervous system) to help you feel better, the humility it takes to ask to be comforted can be almost as scary as the idea of jumping out of a plane🪂.

I know this because asking for hugs isn’t something that comes easy to me.

Somewhere along the line, my nervous system got the idea that it’s safer to just disconnect when it's scared or embarrassed or ashamed rather than lean in.

It got the idea that admitting the vulnerability that comes from asking for hugs from anyone other than my mom or sister was just too terrifying, so unless someone empathetically saw the need in me and filled it by organically offering up a hug, I needed to find my own way of soothing myself.

I see this very same thing happening in my kids right now as well, and it breaks my heart.

I just wish they could know what I now know about letting your guard down.

That they don’t have to be tough enough to handle it on their own, and that they can always lean into me and ask for a hug when life is feeling hard.

But they haven’t always seen that from me.

When I’m having a rough time and my husband doesn’t just naturally meet me there with open arms, the last thing I want to do is humbly ask for a hug from him.

More and more, I’m learning to do so.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s strength in knowing who you are and being courageous enough to let someone else in.

This is the kind of work we do at Rhythms Retreats.

I just got done writing the opening segment content for Harvest Rhythms and it’s 💸💸, IMHO.

When I’m writing retreat content, I take myself through it as I’m channeling it.

Of course it’s not the exact same as if someone were facilitating it for me, but it’s God guiding me through it, so I guess 🤷‍♀️.

Anyway, we start off right out of the gate with a drop in that sets the tone for vulnerability for the evening. Not in a way that’s too much for the nervous system to handle, but just enough that participants have to be a little vulnerable with themselves.

Nothing like asking for a hug from someone else, which can be downright terrifying for some.

That comes later…

But for now, consider where in your life you need to “ask for a hug,” metaphorically or literally.

Even just a drop of vulnerability can create connections that last a lifetime.

If you want a little accountability for that vulnerability, shoot me a message back with where you’re committing to let vulnerability in to your life😘.

🤸‍♀️💚🫂

Cathy

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I am safe enough to ask for what I need.

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